i’m supposed to be working right now. but i really don’t feel like it. i’d much rather go back to bed, or go for a walk or –i don’t know. i’m just not in the right frame of mind to focus on this stuff right now. it’s going to be a busy day and all i can think about is the next thing, and then the next thing.
there’s an interview at one. a second interview for a shitty job i’ll probably get, and take. but it has benefits. i have to remember that. i like benefits. and health insurance would certainly do me some good now. i did a bunch of number crunching last night and realized that if i get this job and keep my job at company x, i could make enough to get an apartment. maybe even my own place. that’s a pretty refreshing idea. even so, i’m trying to remain grounded. this is just an interview for a shitty job, after all. nothing to be excited about.
i meet with kathleen afterwards. i’m looking forward to that. lots to talk to her about today. lots. anger issues, primarily. i’m downright frustrated with the trajectory of my life. there is nothing appealing about it at all. and i think i’m even more frustrated with the trajectory of other’s lives. i just heard someone i know just adopted a child. someone else is moving in with his girlfriend. a girl told me yesterday that she just bought a house. there’s all this movement towards stability and happiness, but it seems to be out of my reach.
and i don’t like any of that. today, i hate everyone and everything.