unplanted

sometimes i wake myself laughing

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It doesn’t happen often, but there are times when I have dreams that are so downright outrageous that I wake up in hysterics. (My dreams are usually quite vivid, and I tend to remember most of them.) The other night I had a dream that I thought should probably not be shared. But then I thought: What the hell; it’s only a dream, after all. I cannot control my subconscious. Can I?

Okay, so even if I can, I swear I wasn’t in control when I had this dream. My roommate tells me I was probably telling myself a joke in my sleep. That’s quite possible.

I was on a gameshow called Chase That Retard. Brian Denhehey was the host. The game was something I can only compare to Fear Factor because, of course, there were speedboats. Brian got us into our speedboats, lined us up and set us loose to zip around this lake. And out there, floating in the lake were, well, retards. (It seemed the game was all in good fun; no one seemed unwilling to participate.) So anyway, we had to go out and hunt down a retard and bring it back to the dock. The person with the most retarded retard won. So I went out and got this girl (who is really the chick who plays the blonde retard on MadTV) and was absolutely positive she was the biggest retard because she kept saying that she didn’t know the difference between chips and apples. (Yeah, I know, that’s pretty retarded.) So I scooped her out of the water (it was strange to see the retards just floating in the water–they were wearing lifejackets, though, so I guess it was okay), put her in my boat and took her back to the dock. A friend and former co-worker of mine weighed her (I’ve no idea why) and another former co-worker was there and she was telling me all about retards because she was some sort of retard expert, I guess. That’s when I told her that my retard didn’t know the difference between chips and apples. And I woke up lauging my head off.

[Note: I’ve used the word ‘retard’ here to preserve the language of the dream. I don’t usually refer to people as ‘retards’–they are mentally challenged. I understand that. I post this hear not to show what a bad person I am, but rather to show what things are like for me in my sleeping world.]

Damn. Did I just justify a dream?

Anyway, it was really funny. And I can’t allow myself to wonder what that one means. I already know there’s something wrong with me; I don’t need to find out that there’s something *really* wrong with me.

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Author: Kim Sharp

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