unplanted

a brief moment from my childhood

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Because I’m on vacation and have nothing better to do with my time, I’ve been googling bits of rhymes I remember reciting when I was a kid. There was one in particular that I got in a great deal of trouble for. In fourth grade we called it the ‘Oscar poem.’ Copies floated around Ms. Fowler’s class until we each had made our own copy (by hand, of course). One day, a rumor of a locker search arose and we all snagged our copies of the poem from our lockers (then the safest place we knew to hide things) and took them home.

Or, I should say, most kids threw theres away. I took my home.

What my parents found was this (caution. bad words ahead.):

Kissing is a crime,
Hugging is a shame.
Boys do the pumping,
and girls enjoy humping.
but girls take the blame,
When he tells you he loves you,
and you really think its true,
but when your stomach starts
to swell he says, “the hell with you.”
Six weeks of pressure,
nine months of pain,
three days in the hospital,
and Oscar finally came,
Oscar was a bastard,
his mother was a whore,
Oscar wouldn’t be here if the
rubber hadn’t tore.

What’s ironic (or not) is the fact that fourth grade marked the beginning of my formal sex education. It wasn’t long after this poem was generated that we were separated into two rooms–boys in one, girls in the other–and shown filmstrips that made us giggle.

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Author: Kim Sharp

more later

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