unplanted

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151.      My sister and I invented both the VCR and Pudding Pops when I was about six. We didn’t patent either because no one would listen to us.
152.      If I had unlimited income, all of my furniture will still come from Ikea.
153.      Every time I get new glasses, I think they’re hip. After two days of wearing them, I realize they’re just glasses.
154.      I’ve only had one job that required that I wear a hardhat. This was when I was in the Navy and worked on a tugboat. The hardhat was baby blue and had my last name on it.
155.      The only thing that’s ever made my head look bigger than it did in that bard hat was a helmet I wore when I rented a moped at the beach. It was an XL.
156.      I called my dad ‘sir’ and my mom ‘ma’am’ (as in ‘yes sir’ and ‘yes ma’am’ until I was twenty. I still find myself calling old women ma’am.
157.      When I was about five (or maybe seven), I would wear up to seven layers of clothing.
158.      My grandfather once told me he stole a piece of the Taj Mahal. He swore me to secrecy for fear ‘they’ would come and ‘get him.’
159.      My other grandfather drank whiskey out of a flask made to look like a cheese sandwich.
160.      I’m making this list because 1) I live a pathetically boring life, 2) I hope that at least some of this stuff will work its way into a story one day and 3) I’m living under the delusion that you actually enjoy reading it.
161.      I prefer silver to gold.
162.      I buy the darkest coffee beans I can find. Usually it’s Ballard Blends’ Italian Roast.
163.      My dog just licked me in the ear.
164.      I often say that I don’t like cats, but if they’re nice enough, I’ll cuddle with them (even though I’m terribly allergic to them).
165.      My father used to call me lazy all the time. To this day, I get angry if someone calls me lazy.
166.      I honestly can’t remember how long I was married (true, I was drunk during most of my marriage).
167.      I once fed a duck spaghetti.
168.      I have a scar on the tip of my right forefinger from when I pinched myself with an ironing board.
169.      In third grade, my teacher gave me the class pet: a gerbil named Flippy who suffered brain damage (not my fault). She ran around her wheel rather than on it.
170.      When I was a freshman in college, I often skipped class to play Tetris at the arcade.
171.      In high school, I knew a guy named Dude.
172.      I also knew a girl named Kismet.
173.      I get my middle name from my great grandmother.
174.      Every time I tell someone that I’m originally from SC, I expect them to act surprised. I’m surprised when they don’t act surprised.
175.      I occasionally watch Wife Swap. Yes, that is a confession.
176.      I rarely stay up past 10pm and if I do, I watch Seinfeld.
177.      The first time I took a Tylenol capsule, I chased it with grape juice. To make a short story shorter, much of the kitchen was covered in grape juice and I never swallowed the pill. I’ve avoided grape juice ever since.
178.      I started my first job when I was fifteen. I quit it on my 16th birthday. (It was at McDonald’s.)
179.      In first grade, I was traumatized by a kid we called Ivan the Terrible. He would flip his eyelids up and chase me around homeroom.
180.      I started out as a journalism major, switched to marketing, then public relations and then liberal studies. I wish I would have majored in English, but loads of people advised against it.
181.      I have an Ingemar (from Ikea!) bobblehead.
182.      I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t had free cable in grad school, I would have written better (or at least more often).
183.      I keep my spare change in an Adams peanut butter jar. When I’m really broke, I cash it in at a CoinStar.
184.      Last week I had a conversation about Windex with the barista at Diva Espresso (or Café Diva or whatever it’s called).
185.      My dog can high five. He also farts audibly. I’ve never known a dog to do either.
186.      I had four great friends in grad school. I haven’t talked to any of them in over a year. I miss them. One just started blogging again; that makes me happy.
187.      I just killed a big spider. I’m certain it was planning to kill me first.
188.      The only thing my siblings and I have in common is the fact that we all love dogs, yet are allergic to them.
189.      I’ve never shave my head not just because of its size, but because I have a dip in the top (and probably a scar or two, thanks to my brother).
190.      My brother once vacuumed my hair, which resulted in a large portion of my hair being yanked out.
191.      I check the news first thing every morning out of fear something bad happened over night.
192.      I don’t consider myself paranoid.
193.      All of my friends are taller than me.
194.      When I win the lottery, I’m going to buy a Hummer and a Mini and park them next to one another—just for the hell of it.
195.      My favorite punctuation mark is the double dash.
196.      I think I’m a pretty funny person, but I wish I was funnier.
197.      I wanted a prairie dog until I learned how nasty they can be.
198.      I’m pretty certain Beluga whales really are smiling at us. Once I saw one who was sexually aroused. His smile was huge. 
199.      I’ve never had a pair of Converse high-tops (or any knock off, either). But I’d like a pair of green ones, please.
200.      I’m terribly afraid of having my eyebrows singed off in a fire. I like them.
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Author: Kim Sharp

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