Alright, it’s time for me to get up on my soapbox for a minute. I’ve been silently venting about this for far too long and it’s time I make my feelings public.
Bicyclists annoy the hell out of me!
There. I said it.
Now I suppose you want to know why.
Here’s the thing: I get the whole ‘biking is good for the environment and doesn’t contribute to global warming like driving or riding a bus and plus it’s healthy and yadda yadda yadda.’ Fine. I get it–really I do. And I appreciate that I live in a town where so many of my fellow citizens are conscientious.
But let me tell you this, you little non-motorized two wheeled ‘vehicle’ drivers: You don’t own the road. Just because it’s hazardous for you to share the road with big ass trucks and cars and SUVs (and don’t you dare start your little rant about the SUVs–not right now you don’t) doesn’t mean you get any extra rights and privileges out there. Oh, I hear you and you’re little whiny biker voice—‘oh, woe is me the poor bicyclist. I have to watch for the big bad cars all the time because who knows what they may do to me.’ Please.
You wanna know something? You’d be a hell of a lot safer if you actually abided by
THE RULES OF THE ROAD!
1) You’re the ones who want to ride in the street. So do it. Don’t switch back and forth from the sidewalk to street. That messes with us. If we see you on the sidewalk we’re likely to assume that you don’t want to abide by THE RULES OF THE ROAD and that you’d prefer to have all the rights and privileges of your run of the mill pedestrian. We’re therefore going to assume that you’ll stop at crosswalks and cross when the light indicates that you can walk, er, ride. If you’re a sidewalk rider, the traffic lights do not apply to you. The crosswalk lights do. And if you are going to ride on the sidewalk, then please do me a favor: get out of the way of the pedestrians!
2) Pick a freakin’ lane!
3) Get to the right. Don’t you dare ride right in front of me, then give me the evil eye when I honk at you because you’re doing 20 in a 35 mph zone and slowing down traffic for blocks.
4) Use your hand signals. Otherwise, how will I know you’re going to turn RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY BIG ASS CAR?
5) Don’t come to work smelly and sweaty and then bitch about how rough it is to be a biker. You’d smell a lot better if you drove your car.
6) Just because you ride a bike doesn’t mean you’re better than me.
7) Fingerless gloves? Please. No helmet? You’re an idiot.
8) Handrails on wheelchair ramps are not good places for you to lock your bike up while you get a latte. I could list many other inappropriate places to lock up your bike, but it seems you’ve already found them.
9) Advertising Bike to Work Day isn’t enough to convince me that I shouldn’t drive my car.
10) Forget it. You’re not going to listen to me anyway.